003 ☺ Video ☺ Even Cardinal Sin tried to feed her habit

[moreincommon]

GREETINGS, MORTAL SCUM! [The voice on the screen sounds human, if humans had throats lined with sharp metal forks. The accompanying face is twisted, demonic, with glowing eyes and a wide, sharp-toothed leer.] MARK LILLY IS GONE. I'LL BE TAKING HIS PLACE. [Suddenly the picture changes, features curling from a hellish mask into that of a rather beautiful redheaded woman in her late 20s, perfectly normal – apart from the pink hue of her skin and the two tiny horns jutting up from her forehead.] Ahem. Callie Maggotbone, Mark's boss at the DOI. I don't know why he thinks his therapy crap will do any good in space, but he's tried dumber things. So I guess I'm here to "help," whatever that means. Just – give me a jingle if you need anything! [Callie beams and gives the camera a little wave before dropping the look from her face, suddenly snapping out of character.] Ugh. Who do I have to kill around here for a virgin's-blood latté? [OOC: Say hello to Mark's psychotic demon girlfriend, Callie! She's not always quite this bitchy. Really. Not always. Replies will come from boobsandevil.]

Comments

[demon_knight]

You might want to ask the Admiral for a specialized drink. Any killing happens and your stay might get real uncomfortable. [Sorry, Callie. That is a fabulous rack, truly. But Jeryline is immune to them and also she calls shenanigans on the demon behavior.]

[boobsandevil]

If it were that big a deal to him, you'd think he'd ask me himself. I make no promises either way.

[demon_knight]

I'll be sure to give people advice on how to avoid becoming the cocktail of the hour.

...I think, given the whole theme of what's goin' on around here, most people aren't gonna have the basic requirement. Just sayin'.

[boobsandevil]

Right, because "don't look delicious" is so easy for you humans to stop.

Hmph. I'll scrounge something up. At least we're well stocked for criminals' blood.

[timesbureaucrat]

At a guess, I'd say a virgin. I'm certainly not going to help find you one, however.

Furthermore, I am not mortal. [Well...sort of.]

[boobsandevil]

Forget it. I'll sniff one out myself.

Who cares?

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin does not even want to think about how that works. But since he's next door, and assumes that she's entirely serious about hunting down a virgin to drink their blood (it's not like that sort of thing is unheard of on the Barge), he's a trifle nervous.]

How exactly do you define...? That is to say, in the full range of...activity...what qualifies an individual to be no longer of virgin status?

[He's fairly sure he's in the clear, but some cultures were very specific about such things regarding which part of what gender needs to go where, and better safe than sorry.]

[boobsandevil]

[That's a shame, because if he asked she'd be more than happy to go into great detail about the process and break down exactly how to identify a virgin by smell, but when he asks about the technicalities she only chuckles as if he's asked something.]

Depends on the species. Usually healthy juveniles are good enough, but sometimes you just like that extra hint of innocence, you know? It's like sweetener, but no calories.

[timesbureaucrat]

Thank goodness. [If the criteria are "young and innocent" that definitely leaves him out of the running.

Now that he's sure of his safety it occurs to him that he should attempt to discourage her from sipping on other persons on the Barge, too.]

You may be out of luck. We have very few juveniles here, and those that we do have aren't exactly innocent. [He's fairly sure Arya would threaten to disembowel someone who tried to insist that she was innocent.]

I should stick to coffee if I were you.

[boobsandevil]

[Hey now, you never know what could happen! She hasn't tried Time Lord yet, Narvin might be delicious. Although if he's interesting or useful, he can be spared.]

I wasn't planning on making it myself, but good to know. So if you're not mortal, what are you? You look human. Well, from this angle.

[timesbureaucrat]

Time Lord. From the planet Gallifrey. Aside from superficial appearances, we're physiologically nothing like humans. [And Narvin is very proud of it.]

[boobsandevil]

[That gets Callie's attention, and immediately makes her curious about the specifics and packaging of his organs.] So what are you like?

[timesbureaucrat]

Like...Gallifreyans.

[Actually, some controversial scientists doing genetic research have concluded that Gallifreyans are genetically startlingly close to his universe's vampires. But as it's a scientific conclusion that is Highly Embarrassing, the mainstream dismisses it with phrases like "problems with the methodology" and "not all the data is in."]

Two hearts, two livers, pulmonary tubes instead of lungs, triple helix DNA...

[boobsandevil]

Interesting. Triple helix DNA is pretty rare. [The look she gives Narvin is appraising, predatory, and sly, a smirk forming on her lips.] Pulmonary tubes, you say? Sounds fascinating.

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin is not sure he likes that look.]

They're convenient for swimming. [You never see a Gallifreyan needing an inner-tube to float.]

[payshisdebts]

My, you are an incredible specimen of woman. Are the rest like you where you come from?

[ There have been an implied challenge that was accepted SOMEWHERE in there. ]

[boobsandevil]

Not at all. I'm one of a kind.

[payshisdebts]

No? Well, then, your lover is lucky. Though I'm surprised any man can master a woman this fierce.

[boobsandevil]

Master me? Ha! Have you met Mark? He couldn't tame a bad hair day.

[payshisdebts]

Truly? Strange, that he was come to the Barge, then. It is not a place for the weak.

[boobsandevil]

Then I'm surprised they're letting humans in at all.

[payshisdebts]

I'm sure some of could surprise you.

[darknessb4me]

If you are here as a guest, behave as one. Any attempt to hurt innocent people here will be met with resistance.

[boobsandevil]

Fine, be that way. But as a guest I think I'm entitled to a nice espresso.

[yeahscience]

...[Isn't Mark Lilly that whitebread little therapist dude?] ...um, there's usually some blood out in the cafeteria for the vampires and all.

[boobsandevil]

Finally, someone helpful. What's your name?

[yeahscience]

Jesse. Who'd you say you're here for, again? [Because seriously?]

[boobsandevil]

Mark Lilly. He's probably gone around being cheerful and boring at you.

[yeahscience]

[Seriously?]

Something like that. And you're his...

[boobsandevil]

[If that weirds you out, Jesse, you should see the rest of her universe.] Superior and fuckbuddy.

[yeahscience]

[Of course, people say the same thing about him and some of the girls he's dated, so maybe that's what finally makes him throw up his metaphorical hands.]

Okay. [Whatever.] Welcome aboard.

[boobsandevil]

[She and Mark get that a lot, actually, especially from her father. It's one of the things she enjoys about the relationship. That, and the fact that it's open.]

Thanks. Now what do you do for fun around here?

[yeahscience]

Well, uh, this place was built less for fun and more for, like... supernatural horrors, but we got some stuff. The pool, the bar, the CES... [He flashes an entirely self-deprecating grin.] I work in the art therapy room.

[boobsandevil]

Oh, good! I was afraid it was going to be boring. [When he volunteers that information Callie snorts in amusement.] Don't tell me you're another bleeding heart like he is.

[yeahscience]

[Of course he's not.

Oh God.

He is now, isn't he?] I, uh. Also do the local NA stuff.

[boobsandevil]

Wow. I bet you're a lot of fun at parties.

[yeahscience]

[Now, now, now, okay. You can say Jesse is a little tamer than he used to be, but don't go insulting his parties.]

Hey, whatever, yo. I throw a kick-ass party.

[boobsandevil]

I'll believe that when I see it.

[yeahscience]

Yeah? How's this for a start? [He turns the camera on the enormous speakers that frame his TV; they're clearly built for a much, much, much larger space than they currently occupy.]