013 ☺ Voice ☺ I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege

[moreincommon]

Um, look.

Not really being much of a fighter or a genius on the fly, I'm not sure how much I can help in this upcoming port. What I can do is ask the Admiral for supplies of basic survival gear to pass out to anyone interested. I'm talking backpacks, waterbottles, compasses, tents, freeze-dried food, rain ponchos, flashlights, emergency blankets, that kind of thing. I'm going to try to start putting together packages for any teams that might go out, and if you want one, please let me know.

[Private to Satsuki]
How have you been feeling lately? I wanted to talk to you about your friends again.

[Private to Junko]
It has been a long time since I heard from you. What's going on in your life? Are you still despairing?

[Private to Anya]
I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. You wanted to talk?

[Private to Megamind]
...Is there any chance you're free for some video games tonight?

Comments

Private

[mistconduct]

So because everyone does it, it's okay? What kind of messed-up logic is that?

[He rolls his eyes, but at least puts a lid on that line of dialogue for now]

Private

[moreincommon]

Of course not! But a behavior that appears all over nature in healthy individuals shows it's not that strange.

Let's turn this around. Say, for a moment, that you didn't feel this way at all and a friend of yours told you they think they might be gay. How would you react to that?

Private

[mistconduct]

I'd stop being friends with them really fucking quick.

Private

[moreincommon]

And why's that?

Private

[mistconduct]

Because they're sick and they need help.

Look, I read up on these camps and shit in my world, right? You go there, you stay for a summer, you come back and you're not gay anymore.

I think we need to do something like that. Only in a shorter amount of time because I don't know if I can make the whole summer.

Private

[moreincommon]

Reparative therapy is a bad idea. These camps exist to pressure people into denying feelings they'd be better off confronting, they don't turn you straight. Most people come out feeling much worse about themselves than when they went in. Not to mention that no psych or medical authority recognizes it as a legitimate practice.

Private

[mistconduct]

I don't want to confront these feelings, Lilly. I want them gone. Camp's better than nothing.

Or fuck, maybe I can get one of the psychics to mess with my brain chemistry or something.

Private

[moreincommon]

Have you looked into what therapy techniques they use in those places? I really don't think drug-based aversion therapy or shock treatment will do anything to help you here.

Before you do that, let me ask you something. Earlier you said this was something you knew you shouldn't do despite the emotional reward. What exactly is that emotional reward, for you?

Private

[mistconduct]

...I don't know, like. Holding hands, making out. Committed relationship, shit like that.

I mean, we do..the hand-holding kindergarden shit but I think that's mainly because he's got this thing about hands. Not that he's gay.

I'm like 90% sure he's not gay.

Private

[moreincommon]

Context aside, that doesn't sound like a bad thing to want.

Well, what would you do if he was? Would that be scarier than going through these feelings alone?

Private

[mistconduct]

Yeah, I mean, if he had boobs, no problem, right? Christ..

I...don't know.

Fuck, I mean. No. We could be...freaks together, I guess. I mean, it'd still be fucking terrible but at least I wouldn't feel alone in it.

Fuck, not that I'm wishing for him to go to Hell, I'm not.

Private

[moreincommon]

I know you're not. You just don't want to go through this alone, and you shouldn't have to.

Let me give you a hypothetical situation. If the worst happened and everyone suddenly found this out, what happens then? What immediately changes?

Private

[mistconduct]

My warden..fuck, he might want to unpair. People leave, people don't talk to me. Get my ass kicked a lot more often, probably.

...He stops talking to me.

And everything just sucks.

Private

[moreincommon]

So you're worried about your warden, and your best friend. Who are you worry will leave or stop talking to you?

Private

[mistconduct]

I guess. I guess, yeah. Them, and...fuck, a lot of other people, too. I have a lot of people I like here, y'know?

Private

[moreincommon]

How do these other people act toward the LGBTQ people on board?

Private

[mistconduct]

I don't know any other gay guys on this ship.

I mean. Fuck, I guess I know...Narvin and Kay, but...peripherally. I don't sit down and eat with them or anything.

Private

[moreincommon]

There are several, I'm sure. How do the people you like act toward Narvin and Kay?

Private

[mistconduct]

Megamind and Iris don't give a shit. But Megamind's a blue alien freak all his own and Iris is all 60's free love all the time.

I don't know how anyone else thinks.

Private

[moreincommon]

None of us do. Well, very few of us.

You have to keep in mind that almost everyone here comes from a different culture and has different ideas about what's acceptable behavior and what isn't. What's important right now is how you feel about this, not them.

Private

[mistconduct]

Okay, then.

I feel like a freak and I hate myself.

Off to a great start, Mark.

Private

[moreincommon]

Do you hate yourself because you feel like a freak?

Private

[mistconduct]

Yes.

And..because I don't hate myself as much as I....think I should.


Fuck, that made more sense in my head, I swear.

Private

[moreincommon]

So you feel guilty for feeling this way, and guilty for not feeling worse about it. That's a really tough spot to be in.

Private

[mistconduct]

Tell me about it. I've been fucking feeling this shit for weeks.