moreincommon | 016 ☺ Video ☺ It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

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016 ☺ Video ☺ It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

Ladies, gentlemen, and neuters of the Barge,

It's both my honor and my pleasure to offer my congratulations to Satsuki on her graduation. She's come a long way and done a lot of work since she first arrived and we all should be proud of her.

Also, I know the last flood was kind of unpredictable. Pretty sure nothing harmful came out of it, but... well, we made a mess. I'm planning to pitch in with cleaning, and if anyone wants to volunteer too I'd love the help. Maybe we could even get a full janitorial team for the day.

[Private to Chris]
Hey. I heard you got into an argument, want to talk about it?

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That's better than nothing. Sure.

Awesome. Good compromise. I'm proud of us.

I am too!

But back to the main subject. What do you think you're going to say next time you see him?

Uh..

'Stop being such a whiny little bitch because I'm not your kid and you don't make your boundaries fucking clear'?

Only. You know. Respectful.

Let's try rephrasing that to be less accusatory. Why don't you start with "I feel..."?

I feel annoyed because you threw a tantrum when I stopped being an adorable baby you could pick up and love. Get another dog if you're that fucking starved for devotion and adoration.

Wait, you were a baby? For how long?

Flood time, man.

Wow. All right.

And you think that's a factor in why he was upset?

I think he's all in a mood because he's going through alien menopause and wants kids.

And he's trying to take on a parental role with you? [Mark frowns. He can understand paternal instinct, and he can understand a young adult's struggle to become independent. And he also imagines it's very hard for Chris to be presented with a father figure so soon after his dad died.]

He sounds like he really cares about you. But this is a boundary you're going to have to clearly put up – you're not a kid, and there's no reason you should be treated like one.

I don't know what the fuck he's trying. I can't tell the difference between people wanting to parent me and people just watching my back. And now that he's a warden, it's extra fucking weird. When he was an inmate, we could like, just shoot the shit, you know? But now he has all this fucking moral responsibility and obligation and it's like, look, don't tell me to respect you unless you want to earn it.

And yeah, I was an ass this morning, but for fuck's sake I do that like every other post. Why the fuck is he freaking out now?

Fuck, Mark, I seriously do not fucking know what went wrong or whose fault it is or who's being a dick right now or how to fix this shit.

You don't have to stand in for someone's son in order for them to care about you. At your age it's not unusual to be living away from your family for a while, and what most people seem to need at that stage in life are good friends and teachers. You've got a mom. And you've got a dad too. [Even if he is passed on, which Mark doesn't quite have the heart to add.]

...Not that I'm trying to compare the Barge to college, because this is a lot harder.

Yeah, that confused me too. You weren't acting any differently than you usually do. I'm not here to make a call or point out who's at fault, but it sounds to me like you both have a lot of expectations of what you want out of each other and haven't really talked about or clarified what those were.

....I guess not.

What the fuck, though, do people actually do that? Talk about what they get out of each other? That's business talk.

They do! It's a skill you have to learn, like any other one, and it can be awkward. But a huge part of maintaining any relationship – professional, friend, family, boyfriend or girlfriend – is learning to communicate properly about problems.

...Can you be there? I seriously don't know how to start conversations like this.

Absolutely. It's hard to bring up a discussion like this.

Okay. Okay, cool.

Jesus christ this is the weirdest fucking fight in the world. You want to know how shit gets settled at my place? I can't do this nice feelings crap, Mark.

What? What happens there?

You can learn to! It doesn't come intuitively, but it's a lot easier in the long run than being angry at someone because you don't understand each other.

It's a pecking order. You either get in line or you get the chop.

That's exactly it. I'm angry because I don't fucking understand him.

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